All remedies start with knowing, we have to know the issue well to remedy it effectively.
The following sections describe the essentials to do with anger. Knowing these essentials will help you more effectively apply the rememdies presented in this page.
Please note, as every one is different, it is usually the case that only a particular set of remedies presented here will be effective. Please don't be concerned if some remedies are not efective for you, because others certainly will be.
Click here to jump straight to the remedies.
Anger is a problem for many people. In fact anger is one of the major sources of suffering in human beings. According to some studies more than one in ten people say that they have trouble controlling their anger and more than one in four people, worry about how angry they can feel. Making anger a cause for concern among the indiviual and among society at large.
Everyone has the potential for anger, because anger is about energy and strength, and everyone has their particular amount of energy and strength. We can define anger as the part of our psychology that uses this strength and energy in a negative way.
Anger is something psychological, thank goodness it is, because this means that we can alter and change it. If it were something else, we would never be able to overcome it. Anger being something psychological means that it is able to use the strengths and energies we have available to us in our body, mind and emotions, but it is not those energies and strengths. Remedying anger is not about removing our energy or strength, but correcting that part of our psychology that misues our energy and strength.
The following are the three types of anger:
These three types tell us two things: one, what triggers anger and two, how anger manifests.
Anger always has to have a trigger. It is impossible for a person to get angry without a trigger, that is without: a thought, a memory, someone saying something or someone or ourselves doing something.
Sometimes we get angry from a thought and anger only stays in our mind, and sometimes we get angry due to a word and we say, do and think aggressive things. The interesting thing is that anger never falls outside of these three types.
This type of anger is where anger is expressed in the mind. This anger could definitely filter down into action and become verbal and physical. Anger of the mind can not exist without the help of thoughts and words. No one can get angry in their mind without thoughts and words. Have a try see if it is true.
Anger thinks frequently using 'should' and 'should not'. It often does not think about a middle ground, it sees things from one side only. To the angry mind, things have to be all one way or not at all.
This type of anger is where anger is expressed mainly with words. Such words are most always spoken with a very harsh tone and a higher than normal volume. The content of angry speech is usually derogative and ill willed. It can also use irony, sarcasm and silence. Sometimes silence is its best tool to show others how angry we are.
Anger also likes: to blame, personalise issues, as well as use absolute terms such as 'always' and 'never'. Often of course such statements are exaggerations.
Anger can also be provoked as a reaction to the words of others. This type of anger is very common. Due to some words we can erupt with anger outwardly or either seethe with anger internally.
"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret." - Ambrose Bierce.
This type of anger has two aspects to it. One aspect concerns the expression of anger using the body, which can be destructive and physically harmful. The other aspect is anger being provoked by the body. For example, when our body is under strain, due to hot ambient temperatures, tiredness, feeling unwell or some kind of bodily pain. People are often more prone to become angry when they are tired, hungry, hot and in pain (physical).
There are some additional types of anger that are worth knowing about as well:
There is an outward explosive type of anger and there is an inward implosive type of anger.
Anger can erupt suddenly or it build up slowly. Most of the time some sort of irritation or annoyance proceeds anger.
There are in fact many lesser forms of anger. Annoyance, irritation, agitation also vexation, are lesser forms of anger.
Furthermore, we only ever get angry with ourselves, at others and at objects.
Anger believe it or not, has a reason for being in us, and that reason is to remove obstacles.
Anger is all about strength and energy being applied in such a way to remove obstacles and shorten delays.
What makes anger, anger as we know it, is that, it is the destructive application of force. When we are angry, our force or energy is directed against something or someone with the intent of removing some kind of block and solving the situation. If we can’t discharge the force evoked by anger against someone, we discharge it against ourselves. Sometimes too, we get angry with ourselves and we discharge that force of anger against ourselves. I have seen many a person hit their own head against a wall in anger. In essence, anger is about using force to solve a problem, and in most cases the amount of force used is excessive and the way it is used yields destructive results.
Have you ever tried getting angry without words and thoughts? If you have tried you would have soon realized that it was near impossible.
The appearance of anger is dependent on our mind thinking and we think using words. There are always reasons why we get angry. The problem is that those reasons are processed at times so quickly that we barely notice them.
In many cases reacting with anger has become a habit and our psychology mechanically or automatically reacts with anger leaving us not knowing why. But really the reasons are there, they are just buried in our past or deep in our memory, in a place of our mind called the subconscious.
There is one very important property of anger that should not be ignored, and that is that anger never comes alone. It always works in a pair or in a group. There is always some other interest or desire behind it, which anger defends, protects or removes any obstacles that stop or delay that desire from being fulfilled.
There is an intimate relationship between anger and desire. So much so, that we can say if there is no desire, there is no anger. Every desire wishes to be fulfilled and the role of anger is to make sure this desire is fulfilled.
Because anger is always accompanied by some other motivation, this means that anger always has a goal or an aim. This may seem strange at first, but with some observation we can see that anger always has a reason for appearing. It never appears at random.
"At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled." - Marshall B. Rosenberg.
Anger swells into action as soon as we perceive that something or someone is harming us or ill-affecting us. This is the magic trigger point of anger.
Anger is about using force without just reason, it is the use of force without a good reason behind it. When we have reason, the force present within the reason carries by itself and we don’t really need anger. Though when we don’t have a good reason we need anger, which is pure blind force. Usually we get angry for reasons that are not very noble and as we can’t openly tell people about our reasons we use anger to try and force our opinion or point across.
At the core of its nature is pure force used without reason and when it is used without reason, the force of anger gets directed into places that are unnecessary such as into the personal lives of people. The force of anger used without reason can get directed into humiliating people, which makes anger very hurtful and offensive. This maybe the worst aspect of anger and if our anger does happen to have this feature, that would be the first thing that we should really stop.
Anger is also blind. Blind because it does not see the consequences of the actions it desires, and it does not judge situationa accurately. It often evokes much more force than is rationally necessary.
Anger is very inflexible. It has an 'all or nothing' approach. Anger certainly does not provide room for negotiation. As soon as negotiation starts, anger is in the process of subsiding.
Anger very curiously tends to make use of absolute statements such as always and never. "You always do it!", "You never get it right!", "I never want to see you again!" etc. Of course statements such as these are nearly always untrue.
"How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it."
Many times we often regret what we say and do while we are angry. Anger always provides for lament and regret, for the reason being it is not justified or exceeds what is appropriate. As it is not justified it creates debts that require amending.
Some people have done some very lamentable things while having been angry, and for a few seconds they have paid with the rest of their life in jail or even with their own life.
Sometimes some real unjust things happen, and naturally we get angry. However we have to be very careful in that we don't with anger, while trying to correct an injustice, commit another injustice. Gnosis stresses that a certain intelligent balancing principle exists, and works in time and space to bring all things under balance. So if something is unjust it will be corrected at the due time and at the right point in space. Just wait!
"When anger rises, think of the consequences." - Confucius.
Anger also has catastrophic effects on our health. It raises blood pressure, it causes the heart to beat faster, it agitates our whole system, it tenses our muscles, it puts strain on our brain and it zaps a lot of our energy.
Anger causes our image before others to be lowered. We can very easily lose the respect and trust of others when we get angry before them. The more irrational and ridiculous our anger is before people, the lower our image in their eyes descends and the more trust we lose.
"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." - Mark Twain.
Anger is especially strong when it is combined with pride, control, hurt feelings, feeling sorry for oursleves, fear and attachment.
By far the worst and most frequently appearing combination is pride and anger. As mentioned earlier, other factors within our psychology use anger to defend their interests, and as pride in most human beings is substantially more powerful thatn anything else, anger is called upon to protect pride and enforce its desires.
In all the 'anger combination' cases the cause is the factor that uses anger, which is mostly pride. However, anger does not need to be used. If it does, that straight away indicates that one: something is wrong adn two: a better way exists to get the same results as anger has been employed to get. We can avoid anger altogether as soon as we realise we are overstepping the mark or there is a better, more intelligent and peace way to get what is needed.
Anger is certainly aggressive and it can have some agressive and violent impulses. In relation to violence, anger opens the way for violence, however when violence does begin and continues anger has gone to the background and the elements of violence witin our psyche take over.
Violence exists not only physically, but also within our words and our mind. Because we think violently we speak with violence and act violently. A lot of the violence that we speak and act out are forms or structures in our mind that have been pre-rehearsed in our mind, and often repeat themselves in our thoughts.
We have a violent way of thinking that must change if we want to remedy our violent nature. We have to come to see for ourselves that peaceful and respectful means are many times better than the ways of violence. The way to start reducing violence in our thinking is to begin to know and respect the rights of others in our thinking. "Kindness is a more crushing force" Gnosis teaches.
"So amongst nations as amongst men, the respect for the rights of others is peace." - Benito Juarez.
This is really fundamental to know about anger. That, in the very high majority of cases it does not solve the issue or problem at hand. It mostly makes it all worse.
We may get angry that someone broke an expensive ornament in our house, getting angry won't fix the ornament. Someone drops a plate of food on the floor, getting angry won't clean up the floor. Only a decision, a plan and action will solve the situation.
If you get angry, most likely someone else near you will get angry also. This is because anger is very contagious. When there are two or more angry people there is conflict!
"The one that angers you controls you. Don't give anyone that power especially the one who does it intentionally."
When we see someone angry, we forget that they are suffering. For a person to be angry there is something wrong in them. There maybe some kind of pain that their anger is trying to appease or avoid. The unfortunate thing is that anger tries to prevent hurt by hurting others.
St. Francis De Sales
There are really three time frames related to anger. They are: the before, the during and the after. There are remedies to be applied in each time frame. The 'before' is the lead up to getting angry, the 'during' is when we are angry and the after is when we have already gotten angry.
For each of the rememdies to be effective we must have created for ourselves a foundation in the comprehension of anger. That is the best case scenario. If though we are lacking this base of comprehension we can still apply these remedies. The more you apply them the more they will work for you.
The most important key to making any remedy work is to be alert and aware. Being alert and aware gives ourselves the precious time we need to apply the rememdies. If we are not alert there is no way that we can apply a remedy to anger, especially because anger can appear so quickly.
We have to know that we are gettting angry and we have to be aware that we need to apply a remedy and we have to apply it consciously. If we do nothing we will get angry all over again!
Ancient Greek saying
In most cases there is a lead up to anger. It may be very short but none the less there is a lead up. Sometimes, which is usually not often the case, we can get angry in a split second. This is an anger mixed with some of the instinctive functions of the body. If we have been working on remedying our anger and are alert, the chances of this happening are very slim.
There is a curious phenomena that occurs a split second before we bring out our anger, and it is a moment of choice: "get angry or don't get angry".
We have to prepare ourselves for this moment by training ourseves to say "No" to anger! By being alert and aware we can catch this moment and in our mind say "No!". This is the magic point to take advantage of to stop anger.
We can help ourselves to prepare for this moment by going over all the times that we have gotten angry in the past and come to our own conclusion about how useful, necessary and convenient getting angry is. I have come to the conclusion mulling over many past experiences that anger certainly does not pay, it does not solve problems, it is aside from the real issue, it makes things worse and leaves one feeling regret and in debt with others (we need to apologise) and with oneself (self-image suffers a loss).
"Nobody makes you angry you decide to use anger as a response."
There are several things that one can do to appease anger when we notice it appearing. These counter measures are all laid out below for you. They start with the very basic and move to the more advanced.
We often ignore the benefits of breathing. As soon as we know that we are getting angry: Breathe in deeply. Breathe out deeply. Deep breaths have the ability to calm us down and to create some time and space within us so that we can think.
Take as many breaths as needed until you feel yourself calming down, even if it is only just a little, sometimes that is all it takes to avoid disaster.
"Delay is the cure for anger." - Seneca.
Tell yourself forcefully that anger is the problem here. I need to solve the situation not get angry. Anger is a unwelcome guest. Anger will make it worse, it is not the solution. The solution is outside of getting angry. When anger subsides the solution will avail itself.
Give yourself time to think before you say or do anything. Anger does not think about or see future consequences it is about the immediate channeling of force and energy into negativity. It is so important to give yourself some time, even half a minute to a minute is enough for us to regain a clearer thinking head.
Giving yourself time may even require you saying, give me a minute please! It may even require you having to temporarily leave the room or scenario. Giving yourself time is very important, because in this small interval of time we can reflect and gain a clearer perspective about what's best to do.
Anger makes force and energy available and channels it into thoughts, words and actions that are inconvenient and detrimental. We have to retrain our psychology by channeling that force and energy into our intellect searching for the wise, peaceful and 'beneficial to all' solution.
Anger can be difused as well as the whole situation, when one party starts to explain or speak calmly and honestly. Because of pride we don't open up and explain why we are feeling angry. If we would speak even a little we would give ourselves a chance to calm down and the other party, the opportunity to understand our point of view and make any clarifications or corrections.
Most of the time that is what anger is there for, it is there prompting us to say something. Teaching ourselves to be honest and speak calmly instead of getting angry may seem a bad option for our pride, but is certaiinly a better one, because when we do get angry the image that we have before others drops significantly and the relationship that we have with the other people is made worse. While when we speak the realtionship with others improves because an understanding is reached.
"Explain your anger, don't express it, and you will immediately open the door to solutions instead of arguments."
After we get angry we may still stay angry or if we are not angry still we usually feel regret. The feelings of regret are simpler to deal with, they are essentially the effect of having thought, said or done something unfair or unwarranted. It is a good sign that we feel this way. These feelings of regret and guilt go by themselves when we repair the harm we have caused and we work to understand as deeply as we can why we took part in the angry thoughts, words or actions.
Remedying the quieter but deeper anger that is fast turning into resentment or a grudge or fear involves investigation and understanding.
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burnt." - Buddha.
There are certain particular points to look into to help us understand the anger we feel. These essential points are:
Presence of a desire (a desire for an aim or goal).
Presence of another factor behind anger (unfairness, pain, family attachment, reputation, honour, sex, fear, time, loss of control, tiredness, intolerance, jealousy, envy, food etc.).
Presence of some kind of an obstacle.
At this stage what is important is to discover what is behind the anger. There always has to be something behind it, because anger never ever comes alone. As soon as we have found what is behind it we are ready to move onto the next step.
Once we have found something behind anger we can better understand how anger simply fulfills the role of protecting or forcing the way for a certain desire to be met or for a certain obstacle to be removed or for some kind of compensation.
The next step is to work out how we can achieve the same results as anger does, but this time without anger and its blind use of force, and without hurting anybody.
The most common factor behind anger is desire. Here we have to understand that desire is due to the need of compensation.
In many cases desire could be something for normal and understandable such as the desire 'to not be late', and other times it could be something that we don't know and something that we prefer that others don't know about, for example if jealousy or envy is involved.
Every desire wishes to compensate for a certain lack within us. There may be other more open and correct ways to compensate for that lack, and maybe it is only us that has to fill that lack. However, we must for oursleves really first of all find out what that lack is. Once we have truly found it, we can correctly fill it.
Once we have understood the above steps we need to put into practice that understanding. Which is to effectively use something else other than anger to solve certain issues and problems.
Reinforcing the understanding that anger does not solve issues but makes them worse outside of us and inside of ourselves. Anger is not needed nor is it required. If the situation does require anger then the voluntary use of force and firmness can be applied instead of anger. Bruce Lee once said to a student that he was traing: "Force not anger!". and that is what we sometimes have to apply.
Understanding that anger is something outside of the issue at hand is also helpful.
We are sometimes unaware how much accumulated desire we have within us until it is too late. Desire often accumulates in us and accumulated desire always explodes.
Accumulated desire is not only reffering to sexual desire, there are many more desires, that are just as big that can accumulate within us. Such an example, is the desire to be treated well or at least fairly. After being repeatedly mistreated the unfulfilled desire to be treated fairly accumulates and one day it explodes in us, because accumulated desire always explodes. This seems to never fail, this always happens. This is because of the nature of desire, it's very purpose is to be fulfilled.
I wish to sincerely express how important it is to keep a vigilant eye on the amount of accumulated desire we have within our system. If we find that we have a lot of it, we have to do something to transform all of that accumulated desire. Following the steps given in the section After Getting Angry we can transform the desire we have accumulated in our system.
Click here to view the anger notice board; a collage of life changing quotes and truths to do with anger.
There is actually an intimate relationship between anger and sexual energy. If a person is losing their sexual energy, meaning their semen, they are going to be prone to anger. The more the sexual energy is lost the more angry one is prone to become. People who masturbate have this problem and the more they masturbate the more anger, annoyance, irritation etc. become a problem for them.
This is because the sexual energy with the desire behind masterbation begins to enter into channels of the body which are not its proper channels to move through. This creates disturbances that irritate the body and make one less in control of one's energies and so when we come into contact with some annoying or irritating impressions we easily react with anger.
There is also another reason and it is that losing the sexual energy, i.e. the semen through masturbation or through sex we deplete ourselves of energy, and so anger appears to compensate for that loss.
If one knows how to channel their sexual energy rather than lose it, the benefits of doing this (wisely channelling sexual energy) will be felt when it comes to reducing anger, annoyance and irritation. For more information on this subject please refer to the page to do with remedying lust.
There is a certain line or threshold that each one of us have when it comes to anger. If we cross this line we lose control and that is when we 100% of the time are going to do things that we will regret. Even things that could 'end us up in jail'. A very wise person said that the jails are filled with unfortunate people that fell victim to a negative internal state. These people were not criminals but happened to fall victim to an incorrect internal state.
We really have to be aware when we are getting angry to not cross this threshold. When this threshold is crossed we step into the purely irrational and the extreme. We at this point lose control of our dignity and decency and we descend into an very inferior scale of behaviour, that is always shocking and alarming to ourselves and others.
"Anger annihilates the capacity to think and to resolve the problems it originates. Obviously, anger is a negative emotion.
Two negative emotions of anger that confront each other do not achieve peace or creative comprehension.
Unquestionably, when we project anger onto another human being, a crumbling of our own image is always produced; this is never convenient in the world of interrelations.
The diverse processes of anger lead the human being towards horrible social, economic, and psychological failures. It is clear that one’s health is also affected by anger.
There exist certain foolish persons who enjoy anger since it gives them a certain air of superiority. In these cases, anger is combined with pride.
Anger is also usually combined with conceit and even with self-sufficiency. Kindness is a much more crushing force than anger.
An angry argument is nothing but excitement lacking conviction. On confronting anger, we should decide, we should choose, the type of emotion that is most convenient to us.
Whosoever lets himself be controlled by anger destroys his own image. The person who has complete self-control will always be on top.
Frustration, fear, doubt, and guilt originate the processes of anger; they cause anger. Whosoever liberates himself from these four negative emotions will dominate the world. To accept negative passions is something that goes against self-respect.
Anger belongs to crazy people; it serves no purpose; it leads us to violence. The goal of violence is to lead us to violence, and this produces more violence."
Excerpt from the book titled: "Revolution of the Dialectic", by Samael Aun Weor.All the best with your efforts to rememdy anger. With persistence you will remedy it totally!